The Connection Between Building Confidence and Happiness Although there are a TON of naturally arrogant people in this world, there are few – if any – naturally confident individuals. Those that are better at putting on a brave face and barking out orders to others are often plagued with more self-doubt than their subordinates. Confidence doesn’t come naturally, but it is something that we have to build if we are going to be happy. Why? Because self-doubt is debilitating. It cuts your legs out from under you and erodes any faith you have in yourself, your choices, and your direction in life. What is confidence? Confidence often described as faith in yourself. But that’s an incomplete definition because it is the result, not the process of confidence. Confidence begins with faith in the information and the people that have led to the development of your worldview, your life choices, and your daily selections of attitude and action. The first century shows us the example of a christian church leader of Greek descent named Timothy. His mentor, Saul of Tarsus, (in an effort to bolster Timothy’s confidence) wrote him a letter in which Saul said, “But continue thou in the things which thou hast learned and hast been assured of, knowing of whom thou hast learned them;” (- The Second Letter to Timothy 3:14) This is where it becomes foundational for our happiness that we seek out information that is credible and teachers that are unbiased, so we have the best data upon which to base our day-to-day life. Knowing where the information has come from allows us to have confidence in the decisions we make based upon that data. It’s All a Smokescreen Ever looked at someone and think, “They’ve got it all together. What I do can’t possibly measure up.” In a 1995 interview, Steve Jobs said, “Everything around you that you call ‘life’ was made up by people no smarter than you. You can change it. You can influence it. You can build your own things that other people can use.” Everyone you meet – even the successful and confident – are putting on the best face they can. It’s all a smokescreen. Behind closed doors, they’re just as human, vulnerable, scared, and stupid as you and I. Practicing Confidence for Greater Happiness In the early days of my writing career, I took on a freelance job writing for an author in the realm of business succession planning. He was a larger than life personality with a forceful demeanor that nearly pushed me over every time I got on a call with him. I couldn’t take it. So, I got up the courage – the courage to quit. Called him up and gave him the bad news. What did he say? He said, “No.” He said, “Whether you continue to work for me or you work for someone else, you’re always going to run into someone like me until you learn to deal with people like me.” He was right. Six years later, and he’s still a client – and I’ve learned to stand toe-to-toe with him and win when it’s necessary. What’s changed? Has he changed? No, he’s still the brash CEO he was when we met. I’ve changed, and here’s what I’ve learned about confidence. Confidence is something you practice.Confidence comes from faith in what you know – and who/where you learned it from.Confidence comes from pushing doubt aside, opening your mouth, and saying what you think like you believe it.Confidence comes from realizing that, as Steve Jobs said, “‘life’ was made up by people no smarter than you.”Confidence builds over time as you learn and come to have faith in your own abilities. Show up in every moment like you’re meant to be there – coffee in one hand, confidence in the other. Read also: The Connection Between Happiness and Silence Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed the post, share the article with anyone you think needs it. Let’s also connect on Twitter, LinkedIn, or Facebook. Until next time, have a happy day. * I cannot recommend every artist, author, or everything written in every book I mention in my blog. Even a broken clock is right twice a day, and where a person or book is right or makes a good point, I will give credit where credit is due.
Live with Intent: Living Every Minute of Your Life Increases Happiness In his book, Meditations, Roman Emporer Marcus Aurelius says, “Do not act as if you were going to live ten thousand years. Death hangs over you. While you live. While it is in your power. – Be good.” Nobody likes to think about death. Everything in our society seems to be designed to avoid the consideration of our own mortality – to distract us from the ineveitable. And yet, as sure as the sun will come up tomorrow, death is coming. So, the brevity of our own life – a foundational fact of our existence on planet earth – should teach us something, shouldn’t it? Someone might say, “Make the most of your life.” But that leaves much to interpretation. What is “the most”? The most fun? The most giving? The most activity? The most success? The most money? The most trouble you can get into? As you can see, making “the most” of your life can lead you down some selfish and damaging roads. So, we then think about the next most popular saying. “Get the most out of life.” Really? Are we just about getting for ourselves? Surely this, in the best light, is half a truth – and in the worst is blatent selfishness. Living with Purpose – Intentional Living Country singer, Tim McGraw, recorded a song written by Craig Michael Wiseman / James Timothy Nichols / Tim Nichols, titled “Live Like You Were Dying.” In it are the lyrics, And I loved deeperAnd I spoke sweeterAnd I gave forgiveness I’d been denyingSomeday I hope you get the chanceTo live like you were dying To be sure, the song talks a lot about “bucket list” adventures like bull riding, but the message is clear. Live every minute of your life on purpose. Live with intent. Does that mean that we have to be busy every minute of our lives? Certainly not. Watching the swirling currents of a stream can be as purposeful as serving the less fortunate in a local soup kitchen. It’s all about a balance of intentional living. James, one of the earliest writers in early christianity, said: “For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and vanishes away.”Letter of James to the Early Followers of Christ – 4:14 In the grand scheme of eternity our short earth-bound lives are blip on a radar screen. There one minute and gone the next. Here’s the point. You can either be a raft on the whitewater river of life, being swept downstream with the raging current – and complaining all the way – or you can live with intent. It’s not about having a “purpose-driven life,” it’s about intentionally putting your foot on each stone across the stream. Intentional living. Yes, your raison d’etre – your reason for being/your purpose – should inform how you use the time you’ve got left on God’s green earth, but purpose is nothing without deliberate action – intentional living. You will be happier with an oar in your hand paddling away than you being bounced off jagged boulders and bounced along the rapids. Life goes quickly, don’t let life drag you along at ever-increasing speed without at least putting up a fight and trying to live every moment of your life. Live with intent. Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed the post, share the article with anyone you think needs it. Let’s also connect on Twitter, LinkedIn, or Facebook. Until next time, have a happy day. * I cannot recommend every artist, author, or everything written in every book I mention in my blog. Even a broken clock is right twice a day, and where a person or book is right or makes a good point, I will give credit where credit is due.
Gracious People Are Happier People – and Ungracious People are Jerks In our society’s quest to throw out everything genteel and civilized in favor of individualism and “whatever you feel,” we’ve lost the collective expectation of graciousness toward our fellow man. What do I mean by gracious? I mean acting in a way that makes the other fellow feel comfortable, welcome, appreciated, and wanted in your company. I was struck by the queen’s reception of President Biden and his wife earlier this week. (I’ll plug in the video below if you haven’t seen it.) The thing that hit me was not the pomp and circumstance, not the queen’s demeanor, nor the Queen’s Company First Battalion Grenadier Guards. It was the music. Under the queen’s direction, the First Battalion Grenadier Guards chose American songs to play for the American president’s arrival at Windsor Castle. I expected them to play the Star Spangled Banner and God Save the Queen. But I was surprised when I heard the strains of Shenandoah and the United States Armed Forces Medley on foreign soil. Why were these obviously USA songs played? The reason that stood out to me was that the queen was being gracious. Playing music that the leader of a visiting nation would recognize. Music that would make him feel at home and at ease in a foreign land. No, the queen isn’t known for her happy, exuberant demeanor. But then again, she’s the queen, not the court jester. But still, when it comes to gracious civility, she hits her mark every time. Here’s My Point If you want to be happy, you’re going to have to work on the soft skill of graciousness. Part of feeling good about encounters with others is feeling good about how we treat them – how comfortable they feel in our presence. I try to make a point of smiling and saying hello to as many people as I can. If a man be gracious and courteous to strangers, it shows he is a citizen of the world.Sir Francis Bacon – English Philosopher and Statesman The thing that’s totally foreign to me is when I smile and say “hello” and the other person looks through me or past me like I’m invisible. They’re just “too cool for school” and obviously don’t have even a microsecond to flash a smile or say hello. If you’re one of THOSE PEOPLE….STOP IT!!! Why? Because another human took time out of their day to acknowledge your existence – to acknowledge your value – to greet you with kindness. So, no matter how busy you are, STOP, SMILE, and say “HELLO.” Apparently their momma never taught them to be gracious – to be polite. Custom is a mutable thing; yet we readily recognize the permanence of certain social values. Graciousness and courtesy are never old-fashioned.Emily Post Civilized expectations of conduct push us past our own selfishness and force us to engage with others in a way that is gracious. Graciousness forces us to put on a smile and deal with individuals as people of value – (not just obstacles to get by so we can get on with our day). Without this civility, we might as well be a pack of wild dogs roaming the earth and tearing at each other over imagined slights and scraps of meat – because we soon might be. Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed the post, share the article with anyone you think needs it. Let’s also connect on Twitter, LinkedIn, or Facebook. Until next time, have a happy day! * I cannot recommend every author or everything written in every book I mention in my blog. Even a broken clock is right twice a day, and where a person or book is right or makes a good point, I will give credit where credit is due.
Are You Too Busy Eating Bananas to Fish? – Opportunity Cost and Happiness In economics, there is a principle called “Opportunity Cost.” Basically, Opportunity Cost refers to what you lose from one pursuit while working or focusing on something else. This is closely tied to our previous talk on knowing what the tradeoffs are for each decision you make. What are you losing by choosing the bicycle over the motorcycle? If your goal is exercise, the bicycle may be the optimal choice, but if you’re wanting to get stuff done quickly and get to where you are going efficiently, grab the motorcycle. Either way, there are opportunity costs to consider. In business, a manager or owner must make a cost/benefit analysis of the projects they are intending to tackle. They must not only consider what they will gain from those projects but they must also think about what projects (and related benefits) they will have to pass on because their resources are tied up in the initial project. In his “Meditations,” Roman Emporer Marcus Aurelius* takes the concept of “Opportunity Cost” in a more personal direction. “Do not waste the remainder of your life in thoughts about others… For you lose the opportunity to do something else when you have such thoughts as these.What is such a person doing? And why? What is he saying? What is he thinking of? What is he contriving? We ought then to check the series of our thoughts — everything that is without a purpose and useless — but most of all, the over-curious feeling and the malignant.” What Opportunities Are You Losing While You Are Using Your Resources Chasing Your Current Obsession? Is it better for you to go fishing or to farm bananas? Check out this YouTube video. The YouTube video asks us a simple question. Is it worth giving up catching three fish just to pick one banana? What are you trading for one banana? In order to maximize our happiness, we also have to know what our “Opportunity Cost” is on any given project or activity. Are you trading more time with your kids for one banana? Are you trading a great business opportunity for a lesser one just because it’s more comfortable for you? Are you losing the opportunity to put time into personal growth and trading your mental, emotional, and spiritual development for a banana? Doesn’t sound like such a good trade when you put it that way, does it? When we bring the concept of Opportunity Cost into the realm of our personal life we realize that while we are busy eating bananas (worrying, wondering what others are up to, watching mindless television, scrolling through Facebook, fighting with strangers on Twitter, and making stupid TikTok videos) we are losing opportunities to learn, grow, and become more profitable for ourselves and others. Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed the post, share the article with anyone you think needs it. Let’s also connect on Twitter, Linkedin, or Facebook. Until next time, have a happy day. 🙂 * I cannot recommend every author or everything written in every book I mention in my blog. Even a broken clock is right twice a day, and where a person or book is right or makes a good point, I will give credit where credit is due.
Happiness in Changing Habits (Power of Habit) Do you think there a connection between habits and happiness? In his bestseller, The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do In Life and Business, author Charles Duhigg makes the assertion that habits are not broken. Instead, he notes that habits must be replaced. For those of you that follow ancient teachers like Saul of Tarsus, this should be no new revelation. Saul often talked about the need to replace one behavior (habit) with another. (As opposed to eradicating a behavior without finding a suitable replacement for that behavior.) In his letter to the primitive believers in Colossae, he wrote, But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth. Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds; And have put on the new man…Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. And above all these things put on charity, Letter to the Colossians Chapter 3 See the Put Off/Put On replacement of habit outlined by this ancient teacher? Human nature hasn’t changed in 2000 years. Habits are software programmed into the basal ganglia of our brain and are most effectively changed with replacement – not eradication. Left to its own devices – and without a new habit to cling to – our brains will naturally fall back to the unwanted habit. The Three Aspects of a Habit In his book, Charles Duhigg reminds us that changing an unwanted habit into a habit that is helpful and healthy for us begins with understanding what makes up the habit. Here are the three parts he outlines that you have to understand about your unwanted habit if you’re going to successfully replace it with a happy habit which can ultimately help you achieve happiness. The CUE – The CUE is the one thing – that light switch that is flipped on and triggers you to do the action involved in the habit. You have to look at what comes before the action of the habit (the CUE) to if you are going to understand – and change – the habit. The CUE can be almost anything, but it always comes before the action of the habit.The ROUTINE – The ROUTINE, of course, is what most people consider the habit itself – the action. Whether that is overeating, chewing your nails, getting angry, picking up a cigarette, they’re all the ROUTINE stage of the habit cycle.The REWARD – The REWARD is what you – your brain – consciously or subconsciously “gets” out of the ROUTINE stage of the habit cycle. The reward is not the same for every habit, or for every individual. You have to be a detective. Understanding yourself well enough to know what the emotional/psychological payoff is for that action or ROUTINE. Replacing Unhappy Habits With Happy Ones Once you’ve identfied the CUE and the REWARD associated with your habit (ROUTINE), you’re ready to begin replacing that habit. What is key here is the REWARD – that’s what your brain wants. So, replacing the ROUTINE (action/activity) with another behavior that will give you the same or similar REWARD is what you want to do. For example. It’s 6:00 at night and you want something sweet to eat. Maybe ice cream? What was the CUE? Are you hungry? Did you have enough to eat at suppertime? Are you bored? Are you physically restless and your brain is telling you to get up off the couch and move – even if it is moving to the freezer? When it happens every night at a specific time, there is always a CUE. Once you’ve diagnosed the CUE, it’s time to move onto the REWARD. What do you get out of eating the ice cream? Something to do? Filling hunger pangs? Bloodflow and movement of getting up off the couch and walking a bit? There are dozens of “payoffs” that you should consider. Then, choose an alternate behavior (ROUTINE) that gives you the same or similar REWARD, “payoff.” So, for example, if the ice cream is only about your brain telling you that your body needs to get up and move a little bit. Or if it’s your brain saying that you’re bored. You can replace the ice cream (ROUTINE) with an activity/behavior that gives you a similar reward – body movement, mental engagement. In summary, let’s just say that moving away from unhappy habits to happy ones is a lifelong battle for all of us. However, understanding the CUE, ROUTINE, REWARD cycle of your habits will help you understand how habits work, so you can be more effective in swapping the unhelpful habits for the good. Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed the post, share the article with anyone you think needs it. Let’s also connect on Twitter, LinkedIn, or Facebook. Until next time, have a happy day. * I cannot recommend every artist, author, or everything written in every book I mention in my blog. Even a broken clock is right twice a day, and where a person or book is right or makes a good point, I will give credit where credit is due
Living in the Past Doesn’t Deliver Happiness (Paris Driving and Senator Tim Scott) In a recent interview on Fox News, Tim Scott (a Senator from South Carolina) gave an interesting – and enlightening – analogy regarding perspective. The conversation with host, Trey Gowdy, revolved around the pain of historic race relations in the US. More specifically, what weight should be given to the pain of historic events vs. the prospect of a brighter future? In that interview, Tim Scott talked about driving. He said that when your car is going down the road, you spend a lot more time looking out the windshield than you do in the rearview mirror. He then noted that there is a reason that the windshield is big and the rearview mirror – in comparison – small. His point? History should inform us – and we should look at it every now and then – but our focus should be through the windshield into a future full of potential – made possible, in part, by the obstacles overcome in the past. Living in the past doesn’t deliver happiness. No matter what your skin color or where you’re from, that’s good advice for life. A Lesson I Learned Driving in Paris If you’ve never driven the highways of Paris, you should — at least once. It’s an experience you’ll never forget. So, on our first trip to Paris, my wife decided that we were going to rent a car and see the country. So, we picked up the car. No, not the race car in the picture… 🙂 A little, standard-shift Citron – and started winding our way through downtown Paris out toward the highway. Fortunately, the French were very helpful in blowing their horns to indicate whenever I made a driving mistake. 🙂 But if getting out to the highway was stressful, it was peanuts compared to what awaited me leaving Paris. Seven lanes going in each direction – and all hovering near 90 MPH. But that still wasn’t the worst of it. Between each of those lanes of speeding vehicles – riding the dotted lines – was a near-equal number of motorcyclists trying their best to be the next organ donor. It was madness. Driving through the chaos (and surrounded by the mayhem) I had to make up my mind. What was I going to focus on? The speed? The cars? The semi-trucks? The motorcycles whizzing by so close I could almost smell their riders’ cologne? I decided that if we were going to get out of this insanity alive, I was going to have to focus on one thing. Don’t run into the car in front of you. Whatever you do Jason, don’t hit the car in front of you. I couldn’t spend time worrying about the car behind us or the motorcycles riding the dotted line inches from my side mirrors. There wasn’t time. I had to pick my hat — choose what was most important. Avoiding hitting someone else had to take priority over whether the other drivers were going to be the end of me. I soon learned that worrying about the cars behind was like living in the past. So, with Debbie turning various shades of pale beside me and vehicles whirling around me like they were caught up in a polar vortex, I kept my attention out the windshield ahead of me and waited for the city traffic to finally dissipate. We finally did make it out into the countryside, and the drive through some of the quaint towns was lovely. Here’s the point. If you’re going to make it through this hectic, fast-paced life in one piece, and be happy, you have to keep your eyes forward. You can’t move forward if you are living in the past. Sure, glance into the past for fond memories and instructive moments, but keep looking ahead. The people that spend their time looking in the rearview are the ones that crash hard. Similarly in life, living in the past doesn’t deliver happiness. Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed the post, share the article with anyone you think needs it. Let’s also connect on Twitter, Linkedin, or Facebook. Until next time, have a happy day.
Pimples and Slivers: The Ancient Teachers Agree – Happiness Can’t Come from Judgementalism Have you noticed a severe uptick in judgementalism since the beginning of the COVID pandemic? It seems that the muzzle of courteous conduct has been taken off in favor of everyone proclaiming their own goodness and decrying the decisions of others. As if, somehow, a single individual’s choice about a topic can somehow be the right decision for every individual. This is nothing more than pride and arrogance. The great philosophers and teachers through the ages warned us about it – but human nature being what it is, we’ve ignored their instruction over and over. Here’s the point. You Can’t be Happy When You’re Examining Others for Faults and Unloading Anger Upon Them The most well-adjusted, happiest people on the planet are those that leave others alone and try to work on their own faults and failures. Sure, we can go too far in introspection and self-assessment, but that’s another topic for another article. Everything must be in its balance. Is there a time to point out error? – Sure there is. Are you – or I – the right person to point out that error? – Probably not. Seneca, a Roman philosopher from the first century had his fair share of critics. Judgemental individuals who did not like him – for whatever reason. (Reasons usually are irrelevant. Most of the time, judgemental, angry individuals are judgemental and angry first, then go around looking for a reason to back up their anger and judgementalism.) Anyway, in his book*, On the Happy Life, Seneca wrote: But as for you, have you the leisure to search out others’ evils and to pass judgement on anybody? “Why does this philosopher have such a spacious house?” “Why does this one dine so sumptuously?” you say. You look at the pimples of others when you yourselves are covered with a mass of sores. this is just as if someone who was devoured by a foul itch should mock at the moles and warts on bodies that are most beautiful. Over in Galilee around the same time, Jesus of Nazareth was telling his followers the same thing – different example, but the same truth. Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why beholdest thou the mote (old word for “splinter or speck”) that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.Gospel of Matthew 7:1-5 Have You Ever Seen a Happy Judge Sitting on the Bench? Happiness Can’t Come from Judgementalism Next time you’re in a courtroom, take a look at the judge on the bench. Do they look like they’re having a happy-go-lucky fun time? Nope. Why? Because being a judge is serious. It’s a job that cant’ be taken lightly. The judge isn’t on the bench tweeting out his/her personal thoughts or opinions about the case, the defendent, or even the law. They aren’t sending the defendent nasty Facebook messages about how much of a loser the defendent is and how terrible their crime was. The judge can have no opinion. The LAW is the opinion of the court. You never see a judge that looks like they’re having the time of their lives. It’s just not possible. Why Do Unhappy People Gravitate Toward Fixating on Other People’s Pimples and Slivers? They want to avoid looking at what Seneca called their own “mass of sores” and what Jesus Christ called the “beam in their own eye.”They want to direct their anger about their own condition onto someone else.Their pride wants to use some little thing in the life of someone else to make them feel superior to the one being criticized. Let’s Wrap it Up. You Can’t be Pointing Your Finger at Others and Be Happy at the Same Time We have people in our society who are tasked with pointing out our errors. Policemen, judges, prosecutors, teachers, preachers, umpires, etc. But the individuals in these positions (if they are doing their job correctly) point out wrongdoing with sorrow and without anger and personal attack. But for the rest of us, when we decide to levy our opinions and personal perspectives of the truth onto the lives of others, it only adds to our own unhappiness. If you are going to maintain your happiness, be 99% concerned about your own life, failures, shortcomings – and only 1% distracted to pay attention to the failings of those around you. Put more simply, people that mind their own business gain happiness they are (happier people. 🙂 Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed the post, share the article with anyone you think needs it. Let’s also connect on Twitter, Linkedin, or Facebook. Until next time, have a happy day!
The Caracara and Carrot Muffins – Happiness in Discovery So, I wasn’t looking to learn anything this morning. Learning is WAAAYYYY too much work. But I did – and I’m happier for it. I am about to tell you a true story. This morning, I got into my truck, and dutifully lined up in the drive-through at MacDonald’s to get my breakfast and coffee. Gotta support the local economy during COVID lockdown, right? 🙂 Anyway… I had worked on the truck last night and so my radio was all messed up. My pre-set stations weren’t there, and I was too lazy to set them again while in the drive-through, so I pushed “seek” and started listening to the interview going on CBC. “You will enrich your life immeasurably if you approach it with a sense of wonder and discovery, and always challenge yourself to try new things.“Nate Berkus It was about birds…birds… I say again…it was about BIRDS:-( I can’t think of much I find less interesting than birds. But, here I was, stuck in a lineup at MacDonald’s, waiting for my coffee, listening to a scientist, Jonathan Meiburg, being interviewed about his latest book, A Most Remarkable Creature: The Hidden Life and Epic Journey of the World’s Smartest Birds of Prey. Oddly enough, it was an interesting interview. I learned about how he and other scientists think about island-bound birds, their intelligence levels, and their possible future because of rising sea levels – and correspondingly shrinking islands. And, I was introduced to the Caracara. A funny-looking bird with a funny-sounding name that I won’t soon forget. I learned a few other things, but you don’t need a list. The point is, I learned something because I was out of my routine – listening to something other than my regular radio station’s music on an endless play loop. There is a Measure of Happiness in Discovery So, as if I hadn’t had enough enlightenment for the morning, I went down to the beach to begin writing for the day, only to discover that the blessed people (my kind way of trying not to say “geniuses”) over there at MacDonald’s had messed up my order and given me a CARROT muffin instead of a blueberry one. CARROT! — That’s as bad as listening to some dude talking about birds. Well, I wasn’t going to drive back and wait in the lineup again. So, with great reluctance – and more than a little animosity toward Ronald MacDonald – I began to eat the carrot muffin. What did I happily discover? MacDonald’s carrot muffins are VERY GOOD!!! Mostly because they have so much sugar that you can’t taste the carrots. 🙂 So yeah… get out of your routine. Listen to music from a new artist. Read a book that’s totally not your cup of tea. Choose something off the menu that you’ve never tried before. You’ll be surprised that there is happiness in discovery. “Discovery is seeing what everybody else has seen, and thinking what nobody else has thought.“Albert Szent-Györgyi – a Hungarian biochemist who won the Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine in 1937 Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed the post, share the article with anyone you think needs it. Let’s also connect on Twitter, Linkedin, or Facebook. Until next time, have a happy day. * I cannot recommend every artist, author, or everything written in every book I mention in my blog. Even a broken clock is right twice a day, and where a person or book is right or makes a good point, I will give credit where credit is due.
The Soundtrack of Your Life – The Impact of Music on Your Happiness Have you ever watched a movie without the sound – only reading the closed captioning? It’s a totally different experience. Without the soundtrack to tell you when something ominous is about to take place, the uplifting anthem to support a victorious moment, or the bouncing road trip tune of the buddy comedy, the movie has an entirely different impact. Much of the emotion of the movie is stripped away when you take away the soundtrack and you’re left with just the story and the dialogue. Here’s my point. The soundtrack gives you cues for your emotion and almost sub-conscious context for the storyline. A question — what’s the soundtrack of your life? Dick Clark, host of American Bandstand from 1956-1989, was right when he said, “Music is the soundtrack of your life.” The Impact of Your Soundtrack Music has always had an immense influence on my emotions. I can remember early in our marriage, my wife bought the track to the movie Gettysburg. Randy Edelman outdid himself with that score. But there was one problem. Gettysburg wasn’t a happy event. It was war. It was pain. It was tragic. And the soundtrack brilliantly conveyed all of those emotions. The result? I couldn’t have the Gettysburg track going in the background while I was working, or I’d begin to feel what the music was telling me to feel – war, pain, tragedy. Whether you are a right-brain, creative person or you have the gift of science and numbers (I don’t), the music you choose to listen to – even in the background – can affect and even alter your emotional state. I’ve always felt music is the only way to give an instantaneous moment the feel of slow motion. To romanticise it and glorify it and give it a soundtrack and a rhythm.Taylor Swift Swapping the Soundtrack Changes Things If you want to live a happy day — because happy lives are made up of happy days — you’ve got to purposely choose the soundtrack of your life and understand what the music is doing to you or for you on an emotional level. Changing the soundtrack changes your perspective. Think about it. What would it feel like if you switched the music in a horror movie for the music in a Disney film? It’d make for a very silly horror flic, right? So, changing the soundtrack of your life does make a difference in how one perceives events. The first king of ancient Israel, Saul, understood the principle of choosing the right soundtrack for his day. In fact, his servants brought a young shepherd named David into his court to play the harp. The music David played would soothe King Saul’s emotions and enable him to concentrate on the business of running the kingdom. Don’t Let Your Emotions Choose the Soundtrack of Your Life Emotions like to indulge themselves. Happy emotions like happy music. Brooding emotions like brooding music. Angry emotions like angry music. If you allow your emotions to choose your music, you can be sure that that emotion will hang on longer than if you chose the music. Part of helping yourself navigate your own emotions is choosing what musical environment those emotions are going to operate in. The musical environment you choose will either help you keep hold of or get rid of those emotions. It’ll always take longer to get out of a destructive emotional wave if you keep it in the dark and feed it. Better to bring that emotion into the disinfecting sunshine of a musical environment that encourages a better state of mind. Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed the post, share the article with anyone you think needs it. Let’s also connect on Twitter, Linkedin, or Facebook. Until next time, have a happy day. * I cannot recommend every artist, author, or everything written in every book I mention in my blog. Even a broken clock is right twice a day, and where a person or book is right or makes a good point, I will give credit where credit is due.
Whack-A-Mole — The Tools for Happiness People around the globe are trying to deal with their emotions. It’s part of the human condition. Sadness. Fear. Shame. Hurt. Betrayal. or just inexplicably…down… For the purposes of our current discussion, the particular negative emotion you are feeling doesn’t matter. What matters is that you understand that the next step is your decision, the ball is in your court. Yes, the tools for happiness are in your hands. The Common Decisions People Make When They Feel Negative Emotions Ignore – Bury the emotion We all know that unresolved emotions never go away. Emotions are zombies that tend to hop out of their graves and start dancing around at the most inopportune times. Indulge – Bathe in the emotion Ever have a car with transmission problems? Stuck in one gear? That’s what indulging in one emotion is like – stuck in one, miserable gear. Sure, nothing wrong with being sad, grieving, having a down day, but being stuck in that gear – voluntarily – is unhealthy. We cannot choose to stay stuck in “pity party” or “emotionally indulgent” gear. Indict – Blame someone else for the emotion “I feel badly, therefore it must be someone else’s fault.” Sound familiar? Sometimes it is…or at least they were the person that sparked the flame of the negative emotion. But often – well, most of the time – we’re the ones who stoke the fire and fan the flame of emotions like anger, unforgiveness, and resentment, right? Yep. 🙁 You know that a wide array of elements impact our emotions – everything from what we eat to medications, sunshine, and sleep. Don’t look to blame someone else every time you feel “off.” You and your choices may very well be at fault. Respond to Your Emotions – Don’t Try to “Regulate” Them In his book, “The Mental Toughness Handbook,” Damon Zahariades says that mental toughness “involves our responses to our emotions.” He asks, “What do we do when we feel frustrated? How do we deal with our anger and disappointment when life seems unfair to us?” When it comes to physical pain, we understand the concept of responding to it as something that should not be happening. We see physical pain as a foreign invader that we must rid from our body. We take action. We even take extreme actions like amputations and tumor removal suguries. But, in contrast, we tend to see emotions as a legitimate part of us – rather than something separate from the core of who we are. Something that needs to be addressed. So instead of talking about responding to our emotions (taking action against negative emotions), we think about “controlling” or “regulating” those negative emotions. What do you want? Do you want to “control” and “regulate” fear, anger, sadness, shame, etc. or do you want to banish these emotions from your kingdom every time they show their miserable, ugly faces? It’s your choice. Remember the “Whack a Mole” game? That’s a perfect picture of responding to negative emotions instead of “regulating” or “controlling” them. WHACK THEM! Sure, they will reappear. WHACK THEM AGAIN!!! Don’t take negative emotions in as pets. They can’t be tamed, they can’t be “regulated,” and they can’t be “controlled.” You Have to Find Ways to RESPOND to Your Negative Emotions Let’s about practical and powerful tools for happiness and inner peace. Instead of ignoring your negative emotions, indulging in them, or indicting (blaming) someone else for your negative emotions, it’s important for you to see those negative emotions as something separate from yourself that you can respond to. What you DO ABOUT your emotions is another discussion and varies from person to person. But our point today, is that you don’t have to be stuck in the downward swirl of “managing, controlling, or regulating” emotions as if they were some permanent part of you. By realizing that emotions are something we can respond to – rather than succumb to – will empower us to take positive action against negative emotions. Apply the power tools of happiness and explore the results. Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed the post, share the article with anyone you think needs it. Let’s also connect on Twitter, Linkedin, or Facebook. Until next time, have a happy day. * I cannot recommend every author or everything written in every book I mention in my blog. Even a broken clock is right twice a day, and where a person or book is right or makes a good point, I will give credit where credit is due.