The Perspective of Happiness – 7.9 Billion People, 7.9 Billion Worlds It is no secret that your perspective has a lot to do with your happiness. Today, my perspective is from a cliff overlooking a vast harbor where allied troopship convoys were assembled in WWII to cross the Atlantic and provide supplies and a fighting force for the effort to liberate Europe from the Nazis. But today – more than 75 years removed from WWII – the water is blue, a few seagulls surf the air currents, and a few fluffy clouds float against a bright blue sky. It’s a far cry from the frantic wartime efforts that took place here years ago. In his book*, Happiness: A Guide to Developing Life’s Most Important Skill, author Matthieu Ricard tells the following story that illustrates the importance of perspective in our happiness. “I remember one afternoon as I was sitting on the steps of our monastery in Nepal. The monsoon storms had turned the courtyard into an expanse of muddy water and we had set out a path of bricks to serve as stepping stones. A friend of mine came to the edge of the water, surveyed the scene with a look of disgust, and complained about every single brick as she made her way across.When she got to me, she rolled her eyes and said, “Yuck! What if I’d fallen into that filthy muck? Everything’s so dirty in this country!”Since I knew her well, I prudently nodded, hoping to offer her some comfort through my mute sympathy. A few minutes later, Raphaele, another friend of mine, came to the path through the swamp.“Hup, hup, hup!” she sang as she hopped, reaching the dry land with the cry “What fun!” Her eyes sparkling with joy, she added; “The great thing about the monsoon is that there’s no dust.”Two people, two ways of looking at things; six billion people, six billion worlds.Happiness – Matthieu Ricard – pg. 21-22 Matthieu’s little story here goes a long way to demonstrating for us the importance of our perspective. Today, there are 7.9 billion people on the planet. NONE of those people have exactly the same perspective on everything. 7.9 billion people = 7.9 billion worlds — Some happy…many not. We all live within our own perspective…our own unique way of seeing the world. But that’s good. Why? Because that means that we can also change our perspective. So let me encourage you today to play an active role in your own happiness by altering your perspective. No, it won’t change the circumstance…but it will change your viewpoint and emotions regarding the circumstance. Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed the post, share the article with anyone you think needs it. Let’s also connect on Twitter, LinkedIn, or Facebook. Until next time… Have a happy day. * I cannot recommend everything written in every book I mention in my blog. Even a broken clock is right twice a day, and where a book is right or makes a good point, I will give credit where credit is due.
Defining Happiness – Nailing Jello to the Wall How do you go about defining happiness? Today, NASA flew a helicopter – albeit a small one – on Mars. How would you explain to someone that has never learned about other planets or has never seen a helicopter what that’s all about? Flying a remote-control helicopter on Mars is a big accomplishment. But for someone that doesn’t understand the distances involved, the technology required, and the relatively thin atmosphere on Mars it’s impossible to grasp the significance of this moment. Happiness is much like today’s helicopter flight on Mars. People understand that they are happy – or aren’t – but have very little grasp of what has gone into the manufacturing of their happiness. Why did it happen? How did it happen? What made it happen? What’s made me happy? Why am I unhappy? Without answers to these questions, your happiness is at the mercy of the weather, your health, and circumstances beyond your control. If you don’t know what happiness is (what goes into being happy) the happy state of mind might as well be as unreachable as Mars. Your emotional well-being will be pushed around with every word said by others and every circumstance – positive or negative – that comes into your day. So let’s try to put a nail into jello and stick it to the wall. Defining happiness. What is happiness? Is it a feeling? – Yes Is it contentment? – Yes. Is it a choice? – Yes Is it an outlook and perspective? – Yes But we must be able to differentiate happiness from euphoria. Oxford dictionary says that euphoria is “a feeling or state of intense excitement and happiness.” Now it’s great when the currents of circumstance and feelings collide in a moment or two of euphoria, but that level of positive emotion isn’t easily replicable or sustainable. Therefore, the euphoria felt when something great happens to you or for you isn’t the same as the ongoing happiness that you need to aim for in your life. Defining happiness: The other misunderstanding we have to dispense with is the confusion between joy and happiness. Joy is peace of the soul given to us through a right vertical relationship with our Creator. Joy is not something that we manipulate, it is a by-product of that relationship. Joy lives at a deeper level – a soul level. Joy is not conditional upon circumstance. Happiness, in contrast to joy, is something that we can control and manipulate through the judicious use of a wide variety of tools. Happiness exists on the emotional level and is characterized by immediacy and fluctuation. Happiness can be impacted through circumstance and therefore must be monitored, maintained, and managed. So, let’s get about defining happiness. Happiness is your emotional response to how your body and mind perceive, control, and react to all of the details of your life. Happiness is a mindset driven by hundreds of factors and brought under our control through the daily use – to one extent or another – of dozens of physical, emotional, and spiritual tools. I sign off nearly every piece of correspondence with, “Have a happy day!” Why? Because happiness is something I wish for you. Because the statement reminds me that happiness is possible and that it is something within our control. So…Have a happy day. Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed the post, share the article with anyone you think needs it. Let’s also connect on Twitter, LinkedIn, or Facebook.
3 Happy Benefits of Daily Rituals A ritual is a routine that has emotional, mental, or spiritual significance to you. Rituals are different from habits. Habits are what we do without thinking about it – like brushing our teeth or tying our shoes. A ritual, on the other hand, is something that we do on purpose. Usually, a ritual is a routine that has been wrapped around an action or event. For example, churches have rituals surrounding the baptism of an individual – things they do before, after, and during the event of the baptism. Sports teams and corporations have rituals that help players and employees build team spirit and a sense of belonging. These rituals are not the game – or the work – but they make the game or the work mentally or emotionally easier somehow. In your life, you have the things you have to do – shopping, work, laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. You likely haven’t thought about it, but surrounding what you do, you’ve established rituals. For me, daily rituals revolve around how and when I make my coffee, where and when I go to do my writing, what I listen to while I work, what I watch or listen to while I exercise. Every ritual has been either conciously or unconciously formulated to make the tasks at hand easier – mentally, physically, emotionally. What you do before, during, and after the task at hand is the ritual that you have built around that task. One researcher put it this way: “Rituals are everything you do that aren’t the thing that you are doing.” Clear as mud? All right. So, we’ve established a few things. Rituals are different than habits. Everyone has daily rituals – things they do to prepare for, engage in or relax from a task.Not everyone has thought through their daily rituals to see if they are helping or hurting their happiness, helpfulness, productivity, etc. Three Benefits of Daily Rituals Although the personal rituals we engage in each day can have both benefits and drawbacks, let’s focus on just three of the positive benefits in this post. #1. Daily Rituals Limit Our Choices By formulating, defining, and implementing healthy rituals into our lives, we are consciously limiting the options that we have each day to those that enable us to be happy and helpful. Disciplining our time with rituals helps us narrow our choices and ultimately, discipline our emotions. #2. Daily Rituals Enable Us to Take Action Many times, the reason that we wrap a ritual around a task or event is because that task or event is uncomfortable or difficult for us. Rituals help us approach and engage in that task or event more easily. What we do before, during, and after a challenging task makes the task more emotionally palatable for our minds. This phenomenon results in it being easier for us to tackle difficult tasks – take action. #3. Daily Rituals Help Us Make Sense of Our World No one likes chaos, but there are certainly those who can cope with the unpredictability of life and the chaotic nature of our society better than others. For many, rituals become their mental and emotional coping mechanism. No, you can’t control the news, the weather, or even that mouthy neighbor… But rituals can help you build an individualized framework for your approach to fluctuations in your environment. Not a rigid construct, of course, but a sort of “pontoon boat” of mental toughness and routine that rides the daily waves. Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed the post, share the article with anyone you think needs it. Let’s also connect on Twitter, LinkedIn, or Facebook.
The 10000 Hour Rule In Malcom Gladwell’s book, Outliers: The Story of Success, he does a deep dive into what factors contributed to the success of well-known individuals including the 10000 hour rule. What he discovered – and a recurring theme in his book – is that success hinges upon mastery of one’s craft. According to top lifestyle consultants, whether your craft is doing business deals, painting, music, writing, carpentry, mechanics…the list is endless…it takes about 10,000 hours of practice to become a master of your art. It’s what has become known as Malcom Gladwell’s 10,000 hour rule. But 10,000 hours sounds insurmountable, right? Before you give up on your dreams of learning a new language, becoming the best artisan in your region, or conquering your industry, let me give you some positive news. You don’t have to do all 10,000 hours in a row I never set out to be a writer. My ambitions led me toward the platform arts of speaking and music. But, back six years ago, writing was where the money was – and I needed some of that stuff. So, I decided that I was going to hire myself out as a freelance writer. What did I know about writing? Well, I had grammar nailed down (thanks to my mother), and I had watched old black and white movies over the years about 1930’s advertising firms, so I figured that I had this copywriting thing all figured out. 🙂 My first job in writing was for a marketing firm that represented tech clients. What did I know about tech? Less than I knew about copywriting. But with the help of a boss that was willing to teach (albeit in an “I’m going to crush your soul if you don’t do it right” kind of way) and a determination not to fail, I started in on my 10,000 hours. Although, at the time, I didn’t realize that was what I was doing. Day by day, week by week, month by month, I learned more about writing, marketing copy, and the complex industries of my clients.. a great self help initiative! Looking back now, I’m glad that I didn’t have to put in 10,000 hours all at once. Eat the elephant one bite at a time. It’s much easier. Practice doesn’t mean practice – It means doing Back when I was a kid, my parents put me into piano lessons. It was good for me. I learned much about music…and my parents and piano teacher learned a lot about endurance. 🙂 Part of learning to play piano is practice. That means sitting at a piano every day for somewhere between half an hour to two hours, endlessly playing scales and repeating the same songs over and over, a great self improvement technique to hopefully one day master the instrument. Nobody wants to feel like they are wasting their time “practicing” for when (or if) they actually get good at something. Fortunately, according to the 10000 hour rule, the 10,000 hours you need to put in to master your craft don’t have to be spent in mindless repetition like a music student. For most adults, your craft can be “practiced” by doing. 10,000 hours of doing will make you proficient – even fluent in your given field. Many careers call these 10,000 hours the “apprentice” stage. Sure, at this stage you may not be the best in the world at your craft, but at least you’re in the game. Over time, you will progress to the point of accomplished expertise. Then, others will begin to watch you and learn from you. How to Be Happy – The 10000 Hour Rule Be a sponge. Learn everything you can, but don’t choose to see yourself as “putting in time until my ship comes in.” Nobody with that outlook ever saw their ship steam in over the horizon. Instead, envision yourself as a craftsman, honing your skills with each piece of music performed, each business deal executed, each canvas painted, each house framed, plumbed, or wired. Sure, in the 10,000 hours you will do work that is tiresome. Drudgery and monotony in the practice of your art is all part of the game. But if you’re learning something – that’s the payoff. If you are accomplishing something – be it a paycheck or helping others – that’s even more incentive to stay at it. Happiness in the 10,000 hours has to do with enjoying your craft – no matter how terrible you are at it in the beginning. Enjoying your craft means that you will put in the hours of tiresome work, just because you get to write, sing, build, paint, put together business deals – whatever your “thing” is. Being involved in what you love and what you were born to do – no matter how small your role along the way – is the emotional reward. Will I Know When I Hit My 10,000 Hours? Nope. The thing about perfecting your craft is that the better you get at it, the more areas you will see for improvement. You will have “arrived” at a mastery level, but you will still see the need for continuous development – not that you have to be a perfectionist. (It’s better for your happiness if you don’t go down the perfectionist rabbit hole.) But…you will have a sense of satisfaction, knowing that you are very good at what you do – maybe not the best, but certainly better than most. As you reach that mastery level, others will take unconscious note of the completion of your “10,000 hours.” People will begin to see you as an consultation expert. They will ask you questions, seek your advice, and try to emulate your success. That’s the point at which you begin to realize how far you have come in the development of your skills. Looking at the 10000 hour rule, I wish you happiness and blessing in your 10,000 hours and beyond.
Happiness and the Right Definition of Success Happiness and the Right Definition of Success could be Money, Fame, or Power. Let me guess…you’re unhappy because you haven’t hit a certain number in your bank account or because your yacht is 3 feet shorter than the next one docked in the marina. Don’t have a yacht? Then you MUST be a total failure…right? Wrong. In our day of reality TV “stardom” and YouTube “influencers,” we quickly get the idea that the kind of success that brings happiness is bound up in money, possessions, trips…whatever you can take a picture of and throw up on Instagram so everyone sees how ‘fabulous’ your life is. Well…there’s Instagram happy and then there’s real happiness. Let’s get real now. Someone will always be stronger, richer, better looking, more powerful, more famous than you. It’s like the gunfighters in the old west…somebody’s always got a faster draw…and BANG – you’re dead! So why can’t the measure of your success be your bank account, the number of your Facebook followers, or how many trips to exotic locations you get to take (and photograph to make everyone jealous) each year? Simple. Enough is never enough. How big a bank account? How much fame do you need to have to feel like a “success”? How many yachts have to be in your fleet before you can say, I’m happy with the “success” I have? The eyes of mankind are never satisfied. So, let’s change the rules of the game. While everyone else is trying to find happiness in defining success by what they have gained or achieved, we will define success differently. What is true success? There are three aspects surrounding success and happiness that you need to understand. Spiritual success found in knowing the will of your creator and doing it. – (Doing what you were created to do, regardless of money, popularity, or acclaim)Autonomy – Being able to follow your calling and passion on your terms and at your own pace.Impact – Being a help to others and a positive influence in the world. Let’s jump in to points #2 and #3 for a few minutes – Autonomy and Impact Instead of measuring your success in terms of your bank account, your stature in the community, and your power over others, begin thinking about success in terms of autonomy and impact. Autonomy The advantage of money is never the money itself…it’s the allure of freedom that money gives you. But what about the millionaire tied to his office desk for fourteen hours a day? Unless he really wants to be a workaholic, his money has not given him autonomy. Therefore, he isn’t as successful as he would like to think. The amount of money it takes to gain that autonomy varies widely from person to person. In fact, autonomy really requires no money at all. Autonomy has to do with what you want to do and when you want to do it. For many, what they want is the structure and predictability of a stable job, vacation days, sick leave, and a house to live in for decades. Others are wandering souls or entrepreneurial spirits for whom autonomy is life lived on the “edge” – with or without money. This second group chafes under a set schedule and is most creative when they can spread their wings unfettered by the demands of others upon their time and energies. So, autonomy – being able to do what you want to do, where and when you want to do it – is a target inextricably tied to a person’s beliefs, attitude, goals, and personality. It’s about what you want out of life. Some people are successful in finding autonomy in a 9-5 job – because that’s what they want to do. Others, are like the hobo of the early 1900’s – riding the rails, seeing the country, happy to be free, and with 100 stories to tell. Regardless of how you see autonomy in the context of your life, it is one of the key factors to look at when determining the measure of your success. Are you able to do what you want to do, what you are good at, what you were created to do? Even if you are thinking of employing the services of a performance coach, this may be one of the actions you take to improve your life. Stay the course! Impact Why do all the rich people start foundations and support charities? To assuage their guilt about having money? To make themselves look good? Maybe… But in truth, after a certain point people with money begin to see that the accumulation of money is not the measure of success. Impact and influence for good, then, becomes their measure of success. Who have I helped? What causes have I promoted? What positive change have I supported and encouraged? As you’ve already surmised, impact and influence for good are not tied to our bank accounts but to the depth of resources in our heart. In Conclusion People with the wrong definition of success (money, popularity, fame, power, etc.) will quickly become disillusioned, jaded, and unhappy. Individuals, some with the help of a life coach and have achieved a balanced view of success, know that success is defined by three things. Doing what you were created to do – finding the will of your creator and doing it.Gaining some measure of autonomy – to chart your own course (your time, your energy, your efforts) Developing a positive impact on those within your circle of influence.
How to Protect Your Happiness and Banish the Trolls There was a time when civilized people acted – and spoke – in a civilized manner. There were rules of decency that kept people from publicly criticizing others.Then came the anonymity of the internet and the license that gave for the basest of people to engage in the lowest form of speech – angry criticism.No longer do parents teach their children about Thumper’s mother and her instruction to the little rabbit. Now, cruel people sit in the dark corners of the internet waiting to be critical and savage. Here’s the good news. You’re the king (or queen) of your own castle. And it’s time to protect your happiness and BANISH THE TROLLS. You know who I’m talking about. It’s those people who you barely know – maybe you met them once or twice, maybe they were an acquaintance long ago. Anyway, they send you a “friend invite” on Facebook or follow you on Instagram – only to sit by and take unfair potshots at you, your family, your life, your dreams, and your business. Banish them. – Unfriend, Delete, Ban – Whatever the platform calls it, DO IT. But before you do. Make sure they aren’t in one of these categories. Family – You’re stuck with your family (especially your immediate family). Have a talk with them offline and work it out. Real-life friends that were born with a negative bent – We all have one or two friends that can say things that cut deeply from time to time, but in general, they want to see us be happy, healthy, and successful. They want the best for us, but sometimes they just don’t come across well. Again, if you’re having trouble with a person like this, go over to their house or meet at a coffee shop and have a good talk. But for anyone else that constantly wants to rain on your parade from behind their computer screen… BANISH THEM. Look. If someone that you only know online has decided that it is their mission in life to make you feel bad about yourself, your family, your work, or your dreams, why give them access to your life, your social media posts, or most importantly…your emotions? Here’s the truth. You don’t need the 845 “friends” that you have on Facebook. It’s likely that 50 of them are family, 5 are close friends, and 25 are people that you actually know and spend time with from your social club or a church that you attend. Everyone else is expendable. You are the king. You are the queen. It’s your kingdom. You rule over your time, your home, your environment, your mind, your emotions. And yes, you get to rule over your Facebook feed and posts. You get to choose who influences you. BANISH THEM. It’s not unloving – it’s just. You wouldn’t put up with someone sitting in your living room day after day – just watching everyone and only saying mean and negative things – right? So why is it okay to keep them around online after they have commented negatively (for the 15th time) on something you have posted? Now, I’m all for giving people a chance…even many chances. (That’s where the love and patience come in.) But when they have proven time and again that they’re only hanging around to spy on what you’re doing and shoot at you from the shadows – hoping that you’ll take the bait and respond in kind so they can have a fight – it’s time to let them go. It’s for your good – to preserve and protect your happiness. You can’t give power to people who don’t know you in real life and certainly don’t care about you. It’s time to BANISH THE TROLLS from your kingdom and protect your happiness. If you need it, I give you my permission. In many ways, we create our own little corner of the world to live in. Time is too short to provide space for needless negative influences. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed the post, share the article with anyone you think needs it. Let’s also connect on Twitter, LinkedIn, or Facebook.
What’s the Price of “Success” – 100X More Incoming What would you say is the price of success? In his book, “Tools of the Titans,” Tim Ferris writes about his experience in achieving fame and success in his writing career. A quote from that book that stood out to me was, “I have identified conflicts between goals (become “successful”…) and related side effects (100X more inbound) which negate the benefits.” What was Tim saying? He was telling us that the more success, acclaim, and fame a person achieves, the more people want a piece of his/her time and energy. That’s the price of “success” – at least by the popular definition of success. We will explore what true success is in another post. But for now, let’s ask the question, “What price are you willing to pay – not just to get ‘success’ but to maintain ‘success'”. Can you handle “100X more incoming”? Do you want people to eat up your time and energy with their agendas – with what THEY want you to do for them? Anyone in a leadership position – whether a manager of a grocery store or the president of a multi-national corporation — understands this dilemma. People always want a piece of you. It comes in the form of constant questions, requests, and dozens (if not hundreds) of emails in a day — everyone wants an answer — everyone wants their piece of your time, energy, and attention. But what about the things that are important to you? — Your family. Your faith. Your friends. Here’s the kicker… You have finite resources. You only have so much time, energy, and attention to give. Do you want tranquility, happiness, and time to pursue your dreams, or do you want “100X incoming”? The question then becomes, “How much of what you truly want are you willing to sacrifice for popular acclaim?” We live in an age where hundreds of thousands of people are trying to hit it rich, become popular, and make a name for themselves. They want to be “influencers,” but don’t realize the price of “success” on their time, family, and friends. In business, it is no different. People strive to hit benchmarks of power and money, only to find out that they aren’t equipped (mentally, emotionally, or physically) to handle the “100X incoming.” So what’s the caluclation here? You’ve got to figure out how much “incoming” you can handle and still maintain your happiness – your equilibrium of peace and harmony with yourself, with family, with friends. Fame, success, popularity — whatever you want to call it — is a bear that feeds on your time, energy, and attention. Happy people understand the connection between the size of the bear and the level of “success.” Happy people choose the size of their bear – not the size of their success. You don’t want 100X incoming. You can’t handle that bear. Chase peace, contentment, and happiness. Success can — and likely will — eat you alive. Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed the post, share the article with anyone you think needs it. Let’s also connect on Twitter, LinkedIn, or Facebook.
1,000 Words a Day I’ve been reading Mason Currey’s book, Daily Rituals – How Artists Work. At some point, I’ll do a review of the book for you. But for now, one of the takeaways is, “1,000 words a day.” As Mason describes the daily habits of writers in his book, it becomes apparent that most – if not all – had daily writing goals. Whether you are an artist, a writer, a musician, or a business person trying to accomplish a transformational project, there’s no doubt that you will get more done if you set an easily-achievable goal for each day – and stick with it. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. This iconic question and answer played over and over in my mind back when production carpentry was a main source of income for me. As I set to the work of tediously cutting or nailing hundreds of little pieces of wood together before the parts went to the next stage of the production process, I thought to myself, “How in the world am I going to get through this pile of work without losing my mind?” One bite at a time. But when it comes to your project – especially if you are into a project that will be inspirational to, entertainment for, or helpful to others – here’s another important thought. Don’t die with the music still in you. I doubt it was original to him, but this phrase has been brought to popularity in recent years by Dr. Wayne Dyer. So, if you’re going to write that book, accomplish that business project to take your company forward, make that recording – the time to do it is now. The WAY to do it is…1000 words a day – or whatever the equivalent is in your art form. In “Daily Rituals – How Artists Work,” Currey demonstrates that the only thing that seems to be a common thread across the spectrum of successful people is the ability to structure time to do a little important work each day. When I say “important” I mean work that is important to you. Often, we are drawn away from doing work that is enjoyable or worthwhile to us by what Charles Hummel called (in a 1960’s business pamphlet) the “tyranny of the urgent.” Everyone wants a piece of you – sometimes every moment of the day. The problem? They don’t want the pieces that you feel are valuable. They want pieces that will further their personal or business agenda, but rarely do they draw from the genius you have inside you. But nevertheless, these energy and time vampires suck the vitality that you have available away from the projects that mean the most to you. Stop the madness!! If you don’t carve out some time for your art – for your genius – you will die with your music still inside you. Louis Armstrong said, “The music ain’t worth nothin if you can’t lay it on the public.” It’s time to “lay it on the public.” Write your 1,000 words a day. Take the hour to pick up a paintbrush or sketchbook. Shut out everyone for 90 minutes and do that one thing that could help move your business forward this quarter. Whatever it is…do it – today, every day – for the rest of your life. Build a ritual around your exercise of the “one thing” that makes you feel fulfilled and a contributing member of society. Note by note, line by line, one step after another, create your masterpiece. It doesn’t matter if, in the end, you are a commercial success or a critical failure, what matters is the process. Until next time, Have a happy day!
3 Must-Dos To Work Smarter Not Harder That Work Ever wondered how you could work smarter not harder? While reading Ecclesiastes, I encountered this fascinating passage. “…he that cleaveth wood shall be endangered thereby. If the iron be blunt, and he do not whet the edge, then must he put to more strength: but wisdom is profitable to direct.” (Eccles. 10:9-10) When a man cuts wood with a blunt axe, he must work harder than usual. With one simple change, he can transform the axe…by simply sharpening its edge. If you have to chop down a tree in ten minutes, you should spend the first five sharpening your axe. In life, we too can accomplish much more when we sharpen our tools. How can we do this? In verse 10, Solomon declares, “…wisdom is profitable to direct.” Wisdom is the secret to sharpening our tools and working smarter, not harder. How to Work Smarter, Not Harder: Sharpening Your Tools Let’s look at 3 must-dos to sharpen our tools with wisdom. 1. Never stop learning Study practical knowledge by reading books. Learn new skills by watching Youtube tutorials and asking for advice from skilled people. “The heart of the prudent getteth knowledge; and the ear of the wise seeketh knowledge.” (Proverbs 18:15) Skills open the door to greater opportunities of service and ministry to people who need Jesus. Focus on sharpening the natural talents that God has given you. If you keep learning, you will be a much sharper tool in God’s hands. 2. Choose wise friends “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.”(Proverbs 27:17) If you follow God, you cannot be a close friend of fools. They will discourage and hinder you. But wise friends encourage you to pursue wisdom, invest your time profitably, and give you much-needed reality checks. “You’re going to do WHAT?!” Be open to wise friends’ advice. They can sharpen you effectively. 3. Seek wisdom in the Word “For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword…and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” (Hebrews 4:12) Reading the Bible will convict you of sin, direct your steps, and encourage you. It is the best grindstone you could ever use for daily sharpening. What is the secret to keeping our tools sharp? It is wisdom. Since we know so little of God’s wisdom, we constantly need sharpening. Daily, we must sharpen our tools at the grindstone of the Word. Wise friends and continued learning will also sharpen us. We don’t have to struggle through the jungle, hacking away with dull axes. Keep your axe sharp, and you can blaze a fresh trail through the forest of life
Walking With Those Who Walk Away from Your Church There are few things that are more disconcerting to me as a pastor as those folks who, for whatever reason, decide that they no longer want to walk with and worship with the rest of the congregation. Sometimes they make a big fuss about one thing or another and leave damage in their wake. At other times they leave civilly with love in their hearts and kindness toward those with whom they disagree. My question today is this. How do we walk with those who walk away? How do we show both the truth of the written Word (Bible) AND the love, intent, and spirit of the living Word (Jesus)? As I have thought on these things over the past week these are the conclusions to which I have come: 1. Jesus taught us to love everyone regardless of their kindness toward us and agreement with us. We are even to love our enemies. Having said that, I do hope that we do not allow our relationships with those who walk away from our local congregations to become an “enemy” situation. That is what satan wants. Luke 6:27 But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you, 2. We are to “do good” even to those who hate us. Read this verse: If thine enemy be hungry, give him bread to eat; and if he be thirsty, give him water to drink: For thou shalt heap coals of fire upon his head, and the LORD shall reward thee. Proverbs 25:21-22 So, even if the situation with those who have walked away has devolved to the point where either they see us as enemies or we see them as enemies the command of God is simple: Love and Serve (do good). 3. We are to walk together. What about the verse that says, “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” (Amos 3:3) This verse has often been the “go to” verse for those who want to absolve themselves of responsibility for deteriorating and difficult relationships. They say, “Well, we don’t agree on __________ so we cannot walk together.” What they usually mean by this is that “I can’t handle that they won’t admit that I am right. I refuse to talk with them about anything except our disagreement. Therefore we have nothing to talk about. We don’t agree and cannot walk together. I’m cutting them out of my life.” Let’s look at this: Look at the context of Amos 3:3 instead of just using it to justify cutting people out of your life. In Amos 3:3 God is speaking to the children of Israel. They had disobeyed again, and He had to punish them again (note: punishment is not our job as individuals, but God’s job). In this context God gives them a list of common sense situations in which effect follows cause to show that consequences follow sin. For example: Two people can’t walk together (they will part ways) unless they agree on where they are headed and what road to take, a lion roars because it catches food, and if there is no trap, a bird does not fall to the ground. — cause and effect scenarios In Amos 3:3 God is not telling the children of Israel, “You don’t agree with me on every little thing therefore I am ending this relationship.” In fact, the opposite is true. God walked with the children of Israel, loved them, cared for them, and helped them despite their many disagreements and rebellions. He walked through the deep water and difficult times of sin and rebellion with them (without partaking in their sin) until they came to the place where they repented and were restored. So what was God telling them in Amos 3:3. It is simple. He was telling them that there is a cause and effect relationship with sin. He was telling them, “You sinned and I am going to have to punish you.” So, how does Amos 3:3 play out for us? “How can two walk together except they be agreed?” Simply this. In order to walk in Christian fellowship with someone who is walking away from the local congregation that I happen to attend we have to agree on two things. Where are we going? (destination: Heaven)How do we get there? (Jesus: by grace through faith). We make a great mistake and lose the opportunity to be a positive influence in the lives of those who walk away from our congregations when we pridefully think that they must agree with us on everything in order to “walk together” (read this, “be my friend”). Why is this attitude prideful? Simple. It assumes that we are right in everything and therefore they (those who walk away) must agree with us in every little thing in order to earn our love and friendship. Doesn’t sound so “godly” when we put it that way does it? 4. We are to still walk with those that have sinned and remain in rebellion – but that walk is different. Yes, unfortunately there are those who leave the local church because they have sinned and do not want to make those things right before God and others. It is terribly sad, but it happens. So what then? How can we walk with those who have either left the congregation to avoid church discipline or because the congregation has rightly enacted (and “rightly enacted” is important) church discipline in an effort to help the person realize their wrong and return to a right relationship with God and with those who they have injured with their sin? While walking with a person in sin and rebellion does not look the same as walking with someone who has simply left our congregation in favor of another, it is still a relationship that cannot be tossed away because it is tough and messy. Look at these three verses; Matthew 18:17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican. Jesus tells us to treat those who have sinned and refuse to respond properly to the correction of church discipline as “a heathen man and a publican.” We take note here that our example in this is to be Jesus himself. So, how did he treat the heathen (unsaved) man? How did he treat the publican? It is apparent from the gospels that He treated them with love, respect, charity, kindness, and a hope for their reconciliation with the Father. Colossians 4:5 Walk in wisdom toward them that are without, redeeming the time. Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man. Here’s a good verse for this topic. We can walk with those who are “without” (the heathen man, the publican, the unsaved, the Christian who is in rebellion). According to this verse we are to walk “in wisdom” and with speech that is tempered with grace. Galatians 6:1 Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. Restoration is a process. It takes time for people to get beyond their sin, and pride and be willing to admit that they are wrong. It is disturbing to me that there are those good Christians who go for coffee just once with someone walking in sin against God, make their case for the repentance of that individual, and then cut that individual off from their lives because they didn’t repent right away. I am so glad that God doesn’t operate this way. Restoration is a work of God in the heart of an individual over a process of time. You can be used in that process, but only if you wisely are willing to maintain a loving and serving relationship with that individual that God loves (despite their rebellion). In conclusion: There are three groups that walk away from the local congregation: People that walk away for good reasons. (like a move to another town)People that walk away for their reasons. (like a shift in their thinking in regard to some teaching or church practice)People that walk away for sinful and rebellious reasons. They have sinned and do not want to deal with it. Although our walk with these three situations does differ somewhat according to the situation, it is clear that civility and loving action and speech must be the guiding truth of our interaction with others as we walk with those who walk away. We cannot ourselves be carried away with any error, but we can be mature in our walk toward others. Ephesians 4:14-15 That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; But speaking the truth in love… Here’s the point. In order to speak the truth in love you must be on speaking terms. Before anyone will listen to what you know they have to know that you care.