“How much better is silence; the coffee cup, the table. How much better to sit by myself like the solitary sea-bird that opens its wings on the stake. Let me sit here for ever with bare things, this coffee cup, this knife, this fork, things in themselves, myself being myself.”Virginia Woolf – The Waves
“How much better is silence; the coffee cup, the table. How much better to sit by myself like the solitary sea-bird that opens its wings on the stake. Let me sit here for ever with bare things, this coffee cup, this knife, this fork, things in themselves, myself being myself.”
Someone said that “Silence is golden”…and they’re right. Silence and solitude help us achieve a deep connection with ourselves which ultimately builds happiness. that said, there’s a connection between happiness and silence.
Think about it. Our minds were not made to intake sound (information) every waking minute of the day.
Unfortunately, technology and society seem to be conspiring to keep us “connected” to some form of input all day, every day.
“Connected” is a funny word, isn’t it?
You can be “connected” and yet not be getting anything of worth from your connection.
Think about it.
A lamp can be plugged into the wall socket, but if there is no electricity there is no illumination.
That’s where we find ourselves today, plugged into shows, Facebook, YouTube, music, podcasts and more that provide very little energy or illumination for our lives.
Silence can feel uncomfortable and “boring” to those that are not used to it. If you’ve lived all your life in the hustle and bustle of electronic devices and others clamoring for your attention, getting alone may seem attractive…but you just can’t bring yourself to shut off the phone, can you?
That brings us to the problem: Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)
You’ve convinced yourself that you are so important that if you leave your phone for even five minutes you may miss out on some vital news, some super-duper phone call, or the latest bit of gossip. After all, “People will worry about ME, if they can’t reach me.”
Really?
So here’s what’s happened.
You’ve trained your family and friends to think that they should be able to reach you at a moment’s notice…on their schedule.
Does that make any sense?
We talk about “Me time,” but how can you take any time alone with your own thoughts if you can’t bring yourself to walk away from the noise that others are making?
That brings us to the second reason that people avoid silence.
Simply put, they are uncomfortable with themselves – with their own company.
You see, talking to yourself is a real thing, and there are many people who haven’t had a “get real” conversation with themselves in a very long time.
Why?
Because they’re afraid what they are going to find when they actually embrace silence and spend some time alone with their own thoughts.
So here’s the question. Do you like yourself enough to spend time alone with yourself – without any distractions? (people, music, technology, etc.) Are you aware of the connection between silence and happiness.
☑ Recharging – When you are listening to others or watching something on YouTube, you are GIVING…not recharging. You are giving your time, your brainpower, your attention, and even your emotions.
☑ Introspection – Silence gives you the space to think over things without the rush of others’ timetables and opinions flooding in. It allows you to consider all sides of a situation and figure out what YOU think, not what the loud influences around you want you to think.
☑ Control – In Alison McGhee‘s book*, All Rivers Flow to the Sea, she makes this important observation.
“You are most powerful when you are most silent. People never expect silence. They expect words, motion, defense, offense, back and forth. They expect to leap into the fray. They are ready, fists up, words hanging leaping from their mouths. Silence? No.”Alison McGhee – All Rivers Flow to the Sea
“You are most powerful when you are most silent. People never expect silence. They expect words, motion, defense, offense, back and forth. They expect to leap into the fray. They are ready, fists up, words hanging leaping from their mouths. Silence? No.”
☑ Perspective – We are never so acutely aware of our place in the universe as when we are alone and quiet. Sitting at the beach, walking through the woods, taking a drive — whatever. In silence, we begin to understand creation and Creator — and where we fit in.
☑ Discovery – I often hear people say, “It’s just who I am.” — Hogwash — You are a compilation both nature and nurture. Unfortunately, “nurture” – what others have put into you – often dominates what you were created to be.
Here’s the point.
You can’t reach the potential you are capable of if you’re mind is tied to the limitations placed upon you by the noise in your life – family, friends, society, media, etc.
Everyone…and I mean everyone…has a box they want to put you into. Much of their noise is about trying to shove you into that box. They like their boxes because it makes it easy for them to categorize you, and dismiss you.
Silence helps you figure out what you were created to be without the distraction of the opinions of online big mouths, media pundits, and well-meaning family and friends.
Silence doesn’t happen by accident. You have to do it on purpose.
You have to start thinking about silence as something that you do intentionally, and you have to train those around you to understand and accept that sometimes you will be unreachable.
“He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words.”Elbert Hubbard
“He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words.”
As mentioned above, there’s a connection between happiness and silence. In the end, your times of silence — daily, weekly, etc will be beneficial for those around you because you will be happier, more productive, and more balanced in your approach to the circumstances of life.
Start small. Take five minutes without distraction…then ten…then a few more. Build up your willingness to “talk” with yourself while you train those around you to respect your times of quiet.
Tell them things like, “The time I spend alone, makes me a better ________ (fill in the blank). Make sure they understand that it’s not about getting away from them, but it’s about getting a better handle on your own thoughts and emotions.
Of course, there is no need to go overboard. You can’t separate yourself from society or abandon your family to go “find yourself” – whatever that means.
Everything in moderation – even time with yourself.
Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed the post, share the article with anyone you think needs it. Let’s also connect on Twitter, LinkedIn, or Facebook.
Read also: The Connection Between Building Confidence and Happiness
Learn more about our products and services.
Well, until next time, have a happy day!
* I cannot recommend every author or everything written in every book I mention in my blog. Even a broken clock is right twice a day, and where a person or book is right or makes a good point, I will give credit where credit is due.tHER