In her New York Times Bestseller, The Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin writes, “What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while.”

For many – maybe most – people happiness is something that they view as coming in bursts connected with something enjoyable they do or experience. For example, you overhear a coworker say, “I’m going on vacation to the Bahamas next week – Yeah, it’s going to be great.”

What is your co-worker expecting?

They’re expecting to be happy as a result of something they do or experience.

Then, it all goes to pieces…and their “happiness” begins to plunge dramatically when their flight is delayed a half-hour, there is a screaming child on the flight, and when they land, the car rental agency can’t find their booking right away.

This chain of disappointments sets in motion a fog of unhappiness that permeates the entire vacation.

What’s the solution? Should no one ever take a vacation?

No, vacations are good things.

But if you’re dependent upon the high of a vacation, a concert, or even a good meal out with friends to pull you happily through to the next emotional sugar high, you’re bound for disappointment.

Gretchen Rubin is correct.

“What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while.”

Robin Sharma, Canadian author of The Monk Who Sold His Ferarri, says it like this:

“Your days are your life in miniature. As you live your hours, so you create your years.”

Let’s think about it this way…

David, King of ancient Israel from 1000-962 BC, wrote:

‘Teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.”

It’s what you do in your days that really matters. The activities and thoughts that make up your days are the activities and thoughts that define your life. King David understood a few things:

1. Our days are valuable and that they have to be carfully curated.
2. We don’t naturally treasure our days, so we have to be taught to view each moment as precious.
3. To make the most of our day – for our own happiness and the benefit of those around us – we have to “apply” ourselves. Living days of purpose and happiness takes effort on our part. It doesn’t just happen.

What’s the point?

Whether it’s taking the time each day to write in a journal, take a walk, or play a game of catch with your little boy, do those things each day that inspire you, relax you, and help you be happy. Don’t wait to be happy until the “right moment” or that “special event.” Your happiness – at least in part – depends on how you use the time you have each day.

If you read each day, you’re living a life of learning.

If you sing each day, you’re living a life of song.

If you exercise each day, you’re living a life of fitness.

If you focus your mind on the good each day, you’re living a life of positivity.

If you find someone to help each day, you’re living a life of valuable service to others.

“What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while.”

Until next time, have a happy day.

* I cannot recommend every artist, author, or everything written in every book I mention in my blog. Even a broken clock is right twice a day, and where a person or book is right or makes a good point, I will give credit where credit is due.

Do you want to keep everyone happy? Are you one of those people who keep taking on more tasks just because people ask you to?

This article is for you.

Nobody sets out to be everyone else’s unpaid workhorse – the donkey that carries their burden for them.

But…friends, family, and co-workers know that you are capable and that you “get the job done,” and so the things they’re “just too busy for” end up falling on you.

And because you like to make people happy – and you hate disappointing them and saying “no” – you take on that task or project.

“Sure,” you say, “I can do that.” — Knowing full well that you either don’t want to do it or don’t have the bandwidth needed in your schedule or energy levels.

What’s the result?

You get overwhelmed.

You lose sleep.

Your own priorities get put on the back burner.

You walk around feeling guilty because you haven’t gotten to that project that THEY wanted you to do.

We all have people in our lives that would like to drop their goals and projects on our laps and make us into their sled dogs as they holler “mush!”

It’s not that they’re bad people, they have just figured out that they can get away with it and it makes their life easier. — YOU make their life easier.

But is that your job – your mission in life – to make it easy for them to do what they want to do?

Certainly not.

Here are a few thoughts that will help you as you subtract some things from your “To Do” list that should have been on someone else’s list from the start.

1. Stop answering the question, “Are you busy?” with, “Not too busy.” – People that live unbalanced lives take pride in their crazy busy schedules, and are more than happy to dump their work on you when you don’t seem as busy as they are. Instead, say something like, “I’m as busy as my schedule will allow.” – Which is true. You set your schedule and you won’t allow yourself to be any busier. 🙂
2. Know what your mission in life is and ask yourself if the thing they are asking of you is helping you accomplish that mission. – Whether your mission in life right now is raising great kids, serving a charitable cause, or even working on yourself, knowing what you are SUPPOSED to be doing will help you avoid the distractions that others try to impose on your schedule and energies.
3. Examine your “To Do” list for ongoing commitments imposed by others. – Just because “you’ve always helped us with this” doesn’t mean that you have to continue to do that task for them. What worked with your schedule, energies, and stage in life last year – last month – doesn’t necessarily work today. Looking at these recurring tasks in a new light will help you determine whether they are healthy for your happiness now or not.
4. Don’t let users guilt-trip you into enabling their life. – Those of us that like to say “yes” more than we can bring ourselves to say “no” often crumble when someone says something like, “Can I count on you?” or “What I need from you.” After all, who doesn’t want to be the person that can be counted on? Who doesn’t want to be needed? This is subtly coercive language used by people that are used to getting their own way.

In the end, you have to stop letting other people’s schedules control yours. You have to begin measuring your emotional satisfaction by something other than how well you keep other people happy. Their approval of how well you do the tasks they don’t want to do certainly can’t be your life’s yardstick.

Are there times we should say, “yes” to helping others with tasks that aren’t ours? Of course. We need to be helpful in life. But often, we are saying “yes” too often and are regretting it.

As hard as it is for some of us to say, “NO,” it is equally rewarding. When you don’t have THEIR tasks looming over you, your time, mind, and energy is freed up to pursue the priorities that are important to you, your family, and your Creator.

Until next time, have a happy day.

Over the past two years, I’ve watched the talking heads on television and the internet rattle on about the COVID-19 issue ad nauseam. Most of what they’ve said can be dropped into the categories of fact and opinion.

So, with two years of facts and opinions on every channel and every website known to man, why hasn’t society at large come to a reasonable, balanced approach to the COVID issue?

Facts and opinions just aren’t sufficient.

Without wisdom, facts and opinions are as pointless as helium balloons floating up into the sky at a kid’s birthday party.

People today tend to use the “facts” that back up their own opinions and ignore any dissenting data sets. This, of course, has led to our highly divided factions and hotly contested positions within the country.

So what’s missing?

Wisdom.

In his first-century writings, “Letters from a Stoic,” Lucius Seneca says, “It is clear to you, I am sure Lucilius, that no man can live a happy life, or even a supportable life, without the study of wisdom.”

“So,” you ask, “What’s the difference between wisdom and facts or knowledge?”

Knowledge is the accumulation of facts.

Wisdom is the proper application – or use – of those facts.

For example, an individual may work in a field where they learn to use explosives. They have knowledge – the facts.

Now, comes the question of whether they have the wisdom to use that knowledge appropriately or not. They can either use what they know about explosives to help cut a road through solid rock or blow a bank vault.

It’s the same knowledge – same facts – but how those facts are used reveals the wisdom that has, or has not, been engaged.

Solomon, King of Israel 970-931 BC, wrote: “Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.”

Here’s the problem.

People just ASSUME that they are wise.

It’s nothing but pride.

If you ASSUME that you are wise without having studied wisdom, you’re only fooling yourself. You’ve been deluded by your own pride and the self-conceit of your opinions.

Wisdom is a lifelong study and must be a PURPOSEFUL study.

Today, we have a society full of parrots. They repeat whatever they hear that they think sounds intelligent or whatever point of view reinforces their own personal agenda.

Wisdom gives us the framework to sift through information and other’s opinions in a balanced way and allows us to come to more considered conclusions.

That leads us to the question of how to gain wisdom.

The first thing that a student of wisdom has to determine is what or who is the ultimate source of wisdom. For me, our Creator is the source of all wisdom and all truth can be traced back to Him. Without an ultimate reference point for wisdom, your quest is rudderless and you get blown around by the loudest voices or the prevalent theories in society.

Once an individual has determined their north star in their search for wisdom, they have to determine to make themselves a student. Yes, I understand that for most of us school and study were a chore. However, without study, we are as ignorant of how to utilize knowledge as the next guy.

The study of wisdom puts us in the position to leverage knowledge in ways that others have not considered.

Archimedes, the ancient Greek mathematician and inventor said, “Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the world.”

What has become apparent through this pandemic is that neither facts nor opinions will “move the world.”

By becoming students of wisdom, we place ourselves in line with prophets, thinkers, philosophers, and theologians that have come before us. By studying their works (making use of what aligns with what we know of our Creator and discarding what does not), we put ourselves ahead of the rabble that simply re-hashes the news broadcasts, tweets, and Facebook posts of yesterday as the “truth” and dogma of today.

Until next time, seek wisdom.

Have a happy day.

Go to any concert. Gather with any crowd and listen to a speech. Attend any book signing or art gallery opening.

And there you’ll find a lot of critics and very few creators.

You’ll always know who the creators are. They’re the people that are on the stage. They’re the people with their names on the dust jacket of the books. They’re the people whose signatures are at the bottom right corner of the paintings hanging on the wall.

And…unfortuanately, you’ll always know who the critics are.

They’re the people who can’t enjoy the event because they’re too busy finding fault with the creators and what they’ve created.

Critics are not happy in their criticism. They aren’t doing work that is inspired. They’re negative words won’t spur anyone to great heights of achievement. Their words won’t make anyone feel happy, loved, or uplifted.

So why do critics show up at events, just to tear down what is being done by the creators?

Here are a few thoughts.

1. The critic believes that his/her opinion is valuable and should be voiced. – The truth is, everyone has an opinion. There are more than 7 billion opinions on this planet. Because opinions are so common, they’re really not that valuable.
2. In their deluded mind, the critic can do better than the creator. – Not that they have tried to do better. They haven’t put in the time in front of a keyboard to write or endured thousands of hours of practice to get the music just right. They haven’t put themselves out there to be shot at by their critic buddies. But still, they are a legend in their own mind and think they know how to paint it better, write it better, sing it better, etc.
3. The critic’s upbringing and engrained viewpoints don’t allow them to fully appreciate the efforts of the creator. – This aspect is most often seen in the worlds of fine art and music. When someone is raised to appreciate the brush strokes and natural colors of traditional landscape oil paintings, they often balk at modern, conceptual art. In the music sphere, those who were brought up listening to one genre of music will likely have formed strong, negative opinions about other generes of music. In short, their deeply held opinions formed in their early years drive their criticism.
4. The critic’s jealousy won’t allow them to enjoy what the creator has produced. – Unfortunately, people generally think about themselves first. they look at the person speaking and say to themselves, “I could do that if I hadn’t given up on drama in highschool.” They look at a writer’s picture on the dust cover of a book jacket and think to themselves, “I can write too, but if I did write something, no one would publish my work.” They hear a singer and think, “I’ve got a good voice, I should be up there on stage instead of them.” — Jealousy is a powerful negative motivator for critics.
5. The critic doesn’t have the dedication to put in the 10,000 hours it takes to fine-tune their craft and become a creator. – Most of the musicians, artists, writers, and other creators in our world today were not overnight successes. However, nobody sees the hundreds of discarded canvases that weren’t good enough to sell. Nobody watches the budding musicians struggle through the endless hours of piano, guitar, and voice lessons. Nobody sits patiently for hours with the writer despondently staring at a blank page as he or she hopes for inspiration to strike. From the perspective of the critic, the creator’s success seems instant and undeserved – and is therefore worthy of their snide remarks and contempt.
6. The critic doesn’t have the courage to put themselves “out there”. – People in creative arts almost never have a problem with constructive criticism if the person with the instructive ideas can show them how it’s done. Creatives are used to being in classes, learning in lessons, and working with coaches. If you can get up on stage, pick up a paintbrush, or sit down to a keyboard and demonstrate how it can be done better, the creative is willing to listen. Why? Because they work each day to master their craft. Improvement is the name of the game. The problem with critics is they can’t demonstrate how it “ought to be done” because they don’t have the intestinal fortitude needed to put themselves in the spotlight. Ironically enough, they don’t want to be crticized. And so, instead of stepping up to the plate and showing the creator how to hit a homerun, they “boo” from the safety and anonymity of the cheap seats.

Of course, critics don’t reserve their unkind words and unhelpful attitude only for the fine arts. It really doesn’t matter what the subject is, they’re ready to complain about it. From the way the carpenter attached the railing to their front porch to the way their favorite football team is being coached this year, the critic is there to throw in thier two cents of uninformed nonsense.

Here’s the point.

You can be an unhappy critic, complaining about everthing that anyone else does. You can be grumpy and find fault. Or, you can put in the work, create something of beauty and value, and step out into the spotlight.

Creators are happy because they have the drive and privilege to create. They get to showcase what they do best.

I guess the sour-faced critic showcases what they do best as well.

Until next time, have a happy day.

The Happy and Helpful Podcast: https://anchor.fm/jason-homan/episodes/The-Happiness-Gap-Between-Creators-and-Critics-e17daue

You’ve heard the phrase, “Get up off the mat.”

It comes from the world of boxing, and refers to when a boxer gets knocked down during a fight. He needs to get back up, shake it off, and begin fighting again – or the referee will count to 10 and award the fight to the other guy.

But, getting up off the mat during a fight may be the easy part. During a fight, there’s still hope. During a fight, there’s still an enemy looming over you that you want to punch. During a fight, there’s still a chance to win.

But what about after the knock out?

What happens if your life gets slammed so hard that everything goes black for a while and you have no fight left in you?

What then?

You’re life’s not over by a long shot, but you feel like there’s nothing left to fight for, no reason to struggle to get back on your feet. There’s no internal push to hope, to care, to regain the desire to keep going.

And all the while, you’ve got good, well-meaning people saying, “Get up off the mat.” They have good intentions, but they don’t understand that the last punch you took rocked you down to the soles of your feet and pulled the rug out from under your world.

So, what now?

If you’re going to regain some happy equilibrium in your life, there are some things that are going to have to occur.

First, somebody’s going to have to drag you out of the boxing ring, wake you up, and do triage on your wounds – worst ones first.

Here’s the kicker.

You don’t get a choice as to who that person is. God sends them along and sometimes the helper He chooses isn’t the one you would choose.

Why?

Because often the helper you would choose is the one that will coddle you, tell you only what you want to hear, and allow you to wallow in your defeat and self pity.

But once you’ve come out of the daze of unconsciousness from your TKO (Total Knock Out) and you’ve been bandaged up, the hard work begins.

It’s the work of getting your mind back to the place where you can fight again, and it starts with putting the last loss behind you.

It’s not an easy thing to do.

The ancient Christian teacher from Tarsus, Paul the Apostle, said that we have to “forget” the things that are behind and “reach forth” to take hold of the things that are ahead of us.

You know what?

It’s hard to “forget” a fist coming at your face and the spinning of lights as your entire world fades to black as you lie sprawled on the deck of the boxing ring.

So, what did Paul mean by “forget”?

It all has to do with placing value.

If you place more value upon the defeats of your past rather than on the promise of your future, you’ll be mired forever in the pain of your last TKO.

You’ll never fight again.

But, if you choose to value “what’s next” and the hope of a win down the road, you’ll put that TKO behind you.

But it’s not just about what we value that determines our recovery from a TKO. It’s also about regaining the willingness and emotional strength to begin putting the work in again.

Training for the next fight.

Before you can hit the gym, you have to be able to master the emotion that pushes you deeper into the cushions of your couch and into the embrace of the TV and a large pepperoni pizza with extra cheese.

Getting back into the ring…back into life…back into fighting for your future has to do with the choice to value your future more than you value reliving your defeat over and over each day.

The question is, “Why are we so enamored with our defeat that we want to stay anchored to it instead of hoping for and striving for a better future?”

The answer? – Fear

When your hopes for a better future get bigger than your fear of failing again, you’ll push yourself past the pain, away from the self-inflicted “comfort zone”, and step into the next phase of successful – and happy – living.

Until next time,

Have a happy day.

Listen to this article on the podcast: https://anchor.fm/jason-homan/episodes/When-you-cant-get-up-off-the-mat—TKO-e17bn15

Elanor Roosevelt said, “Do one thing every day that scares you.”

The distance between where you are now and what you really want in life is the distance between your two ears. Fear is housed in our mind, and our mind is hardwired to protect us – even from ourselves.

Sometimes that’s good…but often, it holds us back.

If our brain perceives that something might be painful – or even uncomfortable – it sends up warning flares in the form of fear. The more we listen to the brain’s irrational fear messaging, the less and less risk we are willing to take in life. – Even if it’s a risk that we SHOULD be taking.

“We do the thing we fear, and death of fear is certain.”

Ralph Waldo Emmerson

Are There Risks We Shouldn’t Take? Fears That We Should Listen To?

Yes. It makes sense to listen to your brain when it tells you not to do a faceplant into your BBQ grill. (I just know you’ve been wanting to try it.)

You see, sometimes your brain is right.

Here are the general rules for when to listen to your fears.

1. Listen to your fears when they tell you that you may incur bodily harm from the course of action you are considering.
2. Listen to your fears when the action you are thinking about taking will physically, emotionally, or spiritually hurt others.

So What Fears Should You Ignore?

Generally, the fears that hold you back from being happy are not associated with danger to your physical well-being or harm to others. Most often the fears that keep you from reaching your full potential have to do with feelings of inadequacy and the worry that you – or your attempts at whatever you are considering – will be rejected by others.

But if you’re going to choose happiness and fulfillment over fear, you’re going to have to take the advice of Nike and JUST DO IT.

It’s scary to ignore the red warning flares of our brains when they tell us that we will fail, others will laugh, and that we’ll never recover from our attempt to better ourselves or our situation.

That’s what keeps so many people from following their passion – writing the next great American novel, speaking in front of people, singing at an open mic night, or even something as simple as choosing bright-colored clothing in a world of drab blacks, greys, and blues.

We don’t want to fail. We don’t want to be mocked. We don’t want to experience anything negative.

So…we never attempt to do anything positive.

Buy the Gear. Put in Some Practice. Put on the Show.

There is no such thing as perfection. There will always be something about your painting, your song, your speech, your event that will draw fire from the little critic that resides in each of the 7 billion people on this earth.

Take a chance anyway.

Push fear aside anyway.

Would you rather experience no danger or live with the disappointment and regret of never having tried?

That’s where the fallacy of thinking comes into play.

You’re in danger whether you step out and overcome fear or whether you sit in your LazyBoy for the rest of your life.

People are going to talk about you and criticize you whether you sit on the sidelines or get into the game. Sitting on the sidelines doesn’t help you sidestep the scorn of others. Instead, they just criticize you for not hitting the playing field.

No matter what you do, people will talk. Might as well be pursuing your craft, your art, your goals and give them something to talk about.

See Fear For What It Is

Fear is your brain telling you that it cannot guarantee the outcome of a specific course of action.

Fear, at its essence, is uncertainty.

How am I going to do it?

How will others respond?

Will I like it?

What if everything goes wrong?

What you have to ask yourself is this.

What’s the very worst that could happen?

So, you paint a mural, and every third person that walks by doesn’t like it. – So? You’ve made 66% of the people happy…and you’re happy too.

So you sing in public and someone writes something negative on social media. – So? That means 99% either enjoyed or tolerated your song.

You get up to speak at an event, can’t remember a thing you were going to say and totally bomb. So? You’ve learned that you need to get yourself some 3×5 cards and have a few notes for the next speaking opportunity.

Even in the worst-case scenario, you can:

• learn something about yourself
• enjoy yourself
• make others happy
• advance your craft or your art

You Can Conquer Fear or Die Many Times Over

In Julius Caesar, Act 2 Scene 2, Shakespeare writes this bit of dialogue between Calphurnia and Caesar.

Calphurnia:

O Caesar! These things are beyond all use, And I do fear them…

Caesar:

Cowards die many times before their deaths. The valiant never taste of death but once. Of all the wonders that I yet have heard, it seems to me most strange that men should fear (death), seeing that death – a necessary end – will come when it will come.

You may get booed. You may get criticized. You may flop. You may have rotten tomatoes thrown at your head. 🙂

But it’s unlikely that you’re going to die.

So, kick fear in the face. Push uncertainty aside and at least TRY.

Until next time, have a happy day.

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It was a few years ago now that my wife and I visited Lyon, the food capital of France. It is a bustling, vibrant city that always seems to have something to do. One evening, we decided to go for supper. After the usual negotiations as to which restaurant we should choose, we landed at what was billed as an “authentic” French restaurant in the heavily tourist, UNESCO heritage area of the city called Vieux Lyon.

Before we continue with the story, did you know about the Happy and Helpful Podcast?

Okay, back to our regularly scheduled programming. 🙂

They sat us in the “patio” area, which was little more than dozens of tables they had set up for night dining on the pedestrian, cobblestone streets of the medieval town center. The table was a little round thing that barely accommodated our food and the chairs were rickety metal cafe chairs that strained to hold up my six-foot frame.

“This is going to be interesting,” I thought as we sat down.

I was right.

It was at that moment that I decided to take the advice of the 4th century Bishop of Milan and, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do.”

So, looking at the menu, I chose what should have been an ideal meal for me – Pike Souffle.

It was described in the English menu they had given to us as a pike dumpling in sauce.

Why not?

What could possibly go wrong?

I like pike. I love dumplings and sauce.

Sounds good…give me one of them.

That’s where the fun story took a dramatically negative turn. The service was horrible and when my pike souffle (a highly promoted specialty of the region) came, I discovered that my ordering had gone horribly off the rails.

What I got was a ball of dough floating in a powdery sauce that a fish might have swum through at some point in the past 200 years.

Pike was nowhere in sight.

But as I look back on our time in Lyon, that is the meal that I will never forget.

Was the food or the service worth the pricetag? – NO

But the experience was.

If you have a choice – always invest in the experience. Yes, it may not end up being the experience that you want, but it will be something that you won’t forget.

Studies show that people who buy experiences – not things – are happier. (Read the article by Nicholas Garcia at lifehack.org.)

Souvenirs get lost, break, and become outdated.

Who wants to wear the Hawaiian shirt a year after the vacation?

It’s the experience that matters and the memories that are valuable.

So, try to find experiences to invest in.

A new park, a restaurant you haven’t been to before, a dish you haven’t tried…start simple and inexpensive. Take a risk. You may like the experience, or you may not.

Regardless of your feelings about things in the moment, you will have much happiness over the years looking back on the time you invested in an experience instead of a souvenir.

“Buy experiences, not things. Spending on experiences makes people happier than spending on things. Things get broken and go out of style. Experiences get better every time you talk about them.”

Jean Chatzky

Until next time, have a happy day.

On the go? Listen to the podcast. Here’s the latest episode https://anchor.fm/jason-homan/episodes/Buy-the-Experience–Not-The-Souvenir—Eating-in-Lyon–France-e14n6k1/a-a57pj3