Stop Being Other People’s Donkey and Be Happy

Do you want to keep everyone happy? Are you one of those people who keep taking on more tasks just because people ask you to?

This article is for you.

Nobody sets out to be everyone else’s unpaid workhorse – the donkey that carries their burden for them.

But…friends, family, and co-workers know that you are capable and that you “get the job done,” and so the things they’re “just too busy for” end up falling on you.

And because you like to make people happy – and you hate disappointing them and saying “no” – you take on that task or project.

“Sure,” you say, “I can do that.” — Knowing full well that you either don’t want to do it or don’t have the bandwidth needed in your schedule or energy levels.

What’s the result?

You get overwhelmed.

You lose sleep.

Your own priorities get put on the back burner.

You walk around feeling guilty because you haven’t gotten to that project that THEY wanted you to do.

We all have people in our lives that would like to drop their goals and projects on our laps and make us into their sled dogs as they holler “mush!”

It’s not that they’re bad people, they have just figured out that they can get away with it and it makes their life easier. — YOU make their life easier.

But is that your job – your mission in life – to make it easy for them to do what they want to do?

Certainly not.

Here are a few thoughts that will help you as you subtract some things from your “To Do” list that should have been on someone else’s list from the start.

1. Stop answering the question, “Are you busy?” with, “Not too busy.” – People that live unbalanced lives take pride in their crazy busy schedules, and are more than happy to dump their work on you when you don’t seem as busy as they are. Instead, say something like, “I’m as busy as my schedule will allow.” – Which is true. You set your schedule and you won’t allow yourself to be any busier. 🙂
2. Know what your mission in life is and ask yourself if the thing they are asking of you is helping you accomplish that mission. – Whether your mission in life right now is raising great kids, serving a charitable cause, or even working on yourself, knowing what you are SUPPOSED to be doing will help you avoid the distractions that others try to impose on your schedule and energies.
3. Examine your “To Do” list for ongoing commitments imposed by others. – Just because “you’ve always helped us with this” doesn’t mean that you have to continue to do that task for them. What worked with your schedule, energies, and stage in life last year – last month – doesn’t necessarily work today. Looking at these recurring tasks in a new light will help you determine whether they are healthy for your happiness now or not.
4. Don’t let users guilt-trip you into enabling their life. – Those of us that like to say “yes” more than we can bring ourselves to say “no” often crumble when someone says something like, “Can I count on you?” or “What I need from you.” After all, who doesn’t want to be the person that can be counted on? Who doesn’t want to be needed? This is subtly coercive language used by people that are used to getting their own way.

In the end, you have to stop letting other people’s schedules control yours. You have to begin measuring your emotional satisfaction by something other than how well you keep other people happy. Their approval of how well you do the tasks they don’t want to do certainly can’t be your life’s yardstick.

Are there times we should say, “yes” to helping others with tasks that aren’t ours? Of course. We need to be helpful in life. But often, we are saying “yes” too often and are regretting it.

As hard as it is for some of us to say, “NO,” it is equally rewarding. When you don’t have THEIR tasks looming over you, your time, mind, and energy is freed up to pursue the priorities that are important to you, your family, and your Creator.

Until next time, have a happy day.